i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
