Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
