He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
