I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize