I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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