btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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