i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
