Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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