That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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