Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
