Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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