You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
