So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
