Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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