so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
