the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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