i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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