I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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