He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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