Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
