we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
