My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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