if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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