Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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