there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
