Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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