So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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