Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
