That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
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Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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