I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
