how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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