To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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