Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
