she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
it's great music for shaving your balls
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
