Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
