So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize