She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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