Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
