The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
this just has baby written all over it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
