She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
