Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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