I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
