Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
