I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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