Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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