I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
