there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
