why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
