Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You can't just leave with hair like that
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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