Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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