It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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