i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
