i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?