you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
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Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
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I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm