So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.