so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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