At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
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I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
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The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions