i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail