I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.