I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"