Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I could make wine with my vomit
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is the high leading the old right now
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.