Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize