someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
