i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
