Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
