remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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