the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
