At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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