hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
