oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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