I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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