Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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