Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
