Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
