he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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